Messing with the Mallus at Fort Kochi

Mallus will rule the world. Correction. Mallus rule the world already.

If you have Malayali friends you would know this is true. They have the uncanny ability to innocuously coerce you into doing their bidding; all the while making it appear that it was your idea, while they surreptitiously goad you to the edge of a cliff.

Yes, Mallus rule the world.

Well, two Mallus certainly ruled my nutritional choices this past Monday. I found myself at a Malayali restaurant called Fort Kochi (at 1 MG Mall) around dinner time. I entered the restaurant and looked up at the wall on the far end. I wish I hadn’t. The design on the way gave me the hee-bee-jee-bees. Were these projections a skin disease? Were they fungi? What in the world were they? They looked most unappetizing. Better sense prevailed and I chose to ignore them. Have a look, if you dare. Barf.

barnacles

The ruling Mallus I was with didn’t see anything wrong with these ‘projections’. Barf.

I turned my attention to the menu, which luckily was not replete with projections of any sort. While it definitely catered to carnivores, I did find a few, albeit limited variety of vegetarian options to choose from.

Fort Kochi Menu
Fort Kochi Menu

The menu is an interesting selection of Syrian Christian food, Malabar food and Coastal food with a Portuguese influence. The bar is decent. Fairly impressive collection of wines from all over the world.

My dining companions (both insisted I call them that) and I ordered some Kingfisher beer (could have been colder) and a couple of starters – roasted wild prawns in Kerela spices and some fried paneer-batter thing. The paneer was edible but my dining companions could not stop ooing and aahing about the prawns.

Paneer thing with fries
Paneer thing with fries
Wild Prawns
Wild Prawns

Moving on to the main course, we ordered a seer fish in mildly spiced coconut gravy, egg roast and lots of appams; which were served up fresh off the fire, one-by-one. The fish was probably better off in the river I was told but the egg roast…oh. my. god. To die for! I would probably go back to Fort Kochi and brave the ugly barnacle encrusted wall for just this one dish. Paired with hot appams the combination was killer.

Seer Fish
Seer Fish
Egg Roast and Appam
Egg Roast and Appam

The Egg Roast saved the day was the unanimous decision.

So overall, it was an altogether decent experience. My Mallu company was certainly scintillating. The food was not bad and moderately priced. But I do wish the restaurant folks do something about that weird barnacle wall.

The Ruling Mallu Party
The Ruling Mallu Party
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